The Road Not Taken
by Sarahjane
Summary: This is inspired by my story The Road Less Traveled and answers the question
1. Saying Goodbye

DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to Tamora Pierce and are used here without permission for no personal gain.  
  
Author's Note: This is an AU I wrote about Rosethorn and Crane. See, I wrote The Road Less Traveled, and then I thought, "I wonder what would have happened if she had married him." Anyway, this answers that question. Enjoy and please r/r!  
  
The Road Not Taken  
Part 1: Saying Goodbye  
  
Count Isas fer Yorvan walked up the tall, circular staircase that led to the chambers where his family lived. He was a tall, thin man, hunched over slightly. Too much worry and work had creased his forehead with lines, and his eyes were red and tired.  
  
He pushed open the door at the top of the stairs and forced a smile onto his face.  
  
"How are you Niva?" he asked.  
  
"Fine," she smiled. She was as white as chalk, and too thin except for the bulge of the baby. Her auburn curls lay limp on her head. "How are you?"  
  
"Fine." He sat down on the edge of the bed. She did not look well to him, but he knew better than to argue with her.  
  
As if on cue, three heads popped up and peered at him. The oldest, a boy, was tall and thin like his father, with dark brown hair and dark eyes. The second, another boy, was thin but shorter, and his hair was a mass of rumpled brown curls with a hint of red in them. The youngest was a girl, short and cute with plain brown hair and green eyes.  
  
He smiled at them. "Hello children. How are you?"  
  
"Fine sir," said the oldest, Albannon, said.  
  
"Fine, Father," the little girl, Madigan, said.  
  
The other boy, Nikolai, lay back down and curled against his mother. "Fine," he whispered.  
  
"It's getting rather late. Have you all had your dinner?" When they nodded, he continued, "Then off to bed with you."  
  
The children crawled over to their mother and kissed her. "Good night, Mother."  
  
"Good night, Alba, Nik, Madi." She kissed each of them in turn.  
  
Alba and Madi jumped off of the bed. "Good night, Father."  
  
"Good night, children."  
  
Only Nik remained. Slowly he climbed off of the bed. Isas was alarmed at how pale and thin his son looked.  
  
"G'night, Father," Nik whispered.  
  
"Good night, Nik." Isas' heart ached as he watched his son shuffle off to bed. Nik already looked so ill, and winter was only beginning. It would be many months before spring came. Nik had his parent's affinity for plants more than his brother or sister, and every winter he nearly died when the first frost came.  
  
That reminded Isas of his wife. He turned to Niva. "How are you?" he asked again gently.  
  
"I'm all right," she tried to reassure him.  
  
He gently stroked her arm. She, like Nik, grew weak every winter. Added to that was the baby. Each pregnancy nearly killed her. The combination meant that she was bedridden through every winter and every pregnancy.  
  
He too felt strained and ill when winter came. So did Alba and Madi. Their entire family had strong magic tied in with plants, and winter affected them all badly. But Niva and Nik grew dangerously sick. Often he would find the two of them curled up in bed together, their skin white and icily cold.  
  
He smiled at her. "I love you."  
  
She smiled back at him. "I love you too." Changing the subject, she patted her belly. "Do you think it will be a girl or a boy?"  
  
Isas shook his head. "I don't know. I don't care what it is as long as it--and you--are healthy."  
  
"I hope it's a girl," Niva confessed. "I know I should say that I don't care as long as it's healthy, but I really want another girl. Madi would be so happy with a little sister."  
  
"Well then, I hope it's a girl." He felt a familiar twinge of anger and guilt. He hated this child. He hated that Niva was so sick. Before he had taken her to Yorvan, she had been energetic and active. Now, she was constantly sick. Often, even summer's arrival could not improve her health significantly.  
  
He wondered if the children knew that he had hated all of them before they had been born. He loved them now, of course. He adored his children. But every time his wife was carrying a child, he hated it. All he wanted was for her to be well, and he hated the child for prohibiting that.  
  
"Niva, I want you to promise me something," he said suddenly. "Promise me that this will be the last child."  
  
"Isas...You know I want a big family."  
  
He knew all right. He had been one of two children, and he and his older brother had not been very close. But Niva had five brothers, all of whom she adored and who in turn adored her. (They hated him, though, for being "a bag," for getting her pregnant, and for, as they put it, "dragging her to that gods-forsaken Olart.") After Alba had been born, she had begged him for another child, saying that Alba needed a brother or sister. Then, once Nik had been born, she had pleaded for another child, this time because she wanted a daughter. She had barely survived, but even that didn't stop her. She had begged for another child soon after Madi's birth. At first he had refused, but finally he relented. Now he knew that had been a mistake.  
  
"Niva, we have three--almost four--children. That's all that I will give you. I won't give you another one."  
  
"But Isas, please?"  
  
"Niva! Look at yourself. You're already so weak, and it's only been a few months. Remember, last time the healer said that you might not survive another child."  
  
"Isas, I'll be fine."  
  
"I can't...I can't bear to lose you, Niva. Please."  
  
Tears trickled down his face, and she relented. "All right, Isas, I promise. No more children."  
  
He gave a gasp of relief and buried his head in her stomach. Tears ran down his face. She held him while he cried. "I love you so much," he murmured. "Please don't ever leave me."  
  
She didn't answer. She held him until he stopped crying. "I love you too," she whispered.  
  
He lay down next to her and held her. Exhaustion quickly overcame him, and he sank into a deep sleep. But Niva remained awake and held him, stroking his hair until at last she too fell asleep. 


	2. In My Father's Shoes

DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to Tamora Pierce and are used here without permission for no personal gain.  
  
Author's Note: The next chapters complete my story The Road Not Taken and are told from the children's points of view. Enjoy and please r/r!  
  
Part 2: In My Father's Shoes  
  
I am Albannon fer Yorvan, eldest son and heir of Count Isas fer Yorvan.  
  
I repeat that to myself every morning when I wake up. It is important to remember who you are...especially if it is not who you want to be.  
  
My mother died when I was a little boy. She died in winter right before the first frost after delivering a little girl, my sister, who never managed to take her first breath. Her death was a blow for my family, especially my father. He became more withdrawn, working long hours. Many nights I awoke to find him still poring over accounts.  
  
I am a count's son, but we are not a rich family. Winters are harsh and long here, and we are very isolated so far north in Olart. Our castle is large, but drafty, and icy winds blow over the frozen plains and chill us to the marrow of our bones.  
  
I tell you all this so that you can understand my frustration. I will one day be the count, but not by my choice. But I must. Not only am I the first-born, but my younger brother Nikolai has been close to death his entire life. He is frail and weak, especially during the winter--a poor choice for the duke of a winter kingdom. I have only one other sibling, my sister Madigan. So it falls to me to be the count when my father dies. And this day is not so far off. My father had been a shadow of a man since before my mother died, and since her passing he has slipped further away from the world of the living.  
  
But this is not my choice. My heart lies far, far away in the distant cities, mountains, valleys, rivers, and oceans that lie so far from this frozen wasteland. When my father sent me to school at Lightsbridge, I met mages who travel the world. Oh the wonders they must see! How I long to travel with them, to see all that the world has to offer!  
  
But I cannot. My duty to my family is too strong. I must stay here, within these frozen walls, and be the count. I must take my father's place at his ink-stained desk in the small, dark chambers.  
  
I walk down the hall to my father's office. The lamp's faint glow peeks out from under the door. I push the door open.  
  
"Father, I'll finish that."  
  
My father is old, too old to protest. His thin, lined face, red eyes, and gray hair make him seem far older than he actually is. And I am 18 now. I am no longer the little boy who took the weight of his whole family on his shoulders--brother, sister, and father. Now I am a man, able to bear this load that has rested on my shoulders since my mother's death.  
  
My father blinked his eyes and slowly nodded. His eyes were dim, as though looking at something in another world. He did not seem aware of anything as he slowly rose and walked towards the door. "I'm coming Niva," he whispered.  
  
My father's words chilled me, but there was no time for that. I made sure that he made it to bed safely. Then I walked back to his study and took his place at the old desk, working at the ledgers until morning came. 


	3. Leaving Town

DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to Tamora Pierce and are used here without permission for no personal gain.  
  
Part 3: Leaving Town  
  
My mother died when I was only six years old and with her died any remaining love for our home in Yorvan. She died near the end of winter, and all around the world lay under a deep white blanket. I was too weak to walk, so my father had to carry me to the funeral. I remember how cold it was, and how my tears left streaks of ice on my cheeks.  
  
After that, all I could think about was leaving. My father seemed to disappear after my mother's death. My older brother Alba worked and studied constantly. My younger sister Madi was too active a companion for me and entertained herself. So I was left alone to brood and study and feel the tug of the plants on me.  
  
Those years run together, years when we all seemed to live in a frozen tomb. We were ghosts in that big palace drifting about listlessly and silently through the empty halls. Day after day I struggled to live in that dead land. How I survived I don't know. I caught every cold that drifted inside. I spent years of my life lying in bed, fighting just to breathe.  
  
And yet I made it. Finally the day came when I would be ready to go to Winding Circle to study to be a dedicate. I couldn't wait to leave the cold lands of my childhood for the warm, lush lands of Emelan. I felt like I was finally getting ready to live.  
  
Before I left, I stood on a hill near the palace, watching the grass blow in the wind. I had dreamed about leaving this place for so long, but now that I was about to do so, I found myself having mixed feelings.  
  
I did not notice my father's approach until he sat down next to me. "Beautiful, isn't it?" he asked, waving his hand to encompass the meadows.  
  
I turned to look at him. He didn't look as pale and tired as he usually did, but he still looked worn and old.  
  
"Yes," I answered.  
  
"Not as nice as Winding Circle, but...it is home."  
  
I could hear the strain in my father's voice. "What's wrong, Father?"  
  
He didn't answer right away. "Your mother would be so happy for you. She hated it here. I shouldn't have made her come, but...but this is my home." He paused again. "I'm sorry that I made you grow up here, Nikolai."  
  
I didn't know what to say. I had always hated living here, but...  
  
"This is my home, Father," I said. The words shocked me, but I saw the truth in them. This harsh, cold climate had made me like the grasses before us--fragile, yet with an inner strength that made them cling to life. That strength had been made an integral part of who I was. I would not have chosen to live here, but it shaped me as much as my love for plants.  
  
My father smiled then, a real smile, but one that revealed his weakness to me.  
  
"You should go inside, Father. You should rest."  
  
I rose to help him up, but before we went inside I looked out at the rolling hills and plains below. Tomorrow I would leave Olart, but it would always be inside of me. 


	4. Home

DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to Tamora Pierce and are used here without permission for no personal gain.  
  
Part 4: Home  
  
When I look into a mirror, I wonder if I will ever be who I truly am. To most I am Count Isas fer Yorvan's only daughter, Madigan fa Yorvan. Even my brothers and father know only this version of me. My father is like a walking ghost, and my brothers are both completely wrapped up in their own lives, leaving me to live my own alone.  
  
I am an interesting mix of my mother and father. I have an affinity for plants, although it is more muted than Nik's or, I think, Alba's. I am like my mother was when she was a girl: an active, energetic tomboy. I have her spirit and temper.  
  
However, there is a lot of my father in me. Or perhaps it is not his influence as much as it is Yorvan itself's. This place is my home, and I embrace it more fully than my brothers. Even my father rejects it because this is where my mother died. I alone can drink in the land and the sky and let it soak into my. Only I look at the beauty of this place and know that forever and always I am home.  
  
I am the only one who wants to be the count. Alba does it because he must, and Nik would rather do anything else. But I truly want to rule this land. I have a head for mathematics, and I love to pour over my father's record books. But more importantly, I love this land more than either of them ever could.  
  
But of course, I was born a girl. It doesn't seem fair that Alba should have to be count even though he doesn't want to be and I can't be count even though that is all I want to be simply because I wasn't a boy. An accident of birth, that's all it is.  
  
My father has never stopped grieving for my mother long enough to notice this, though, and as for Alba, he would never do anything that he thought might hurt our family. Alba is the ultimate older brother. He has tried to care for and protect the family since before our mother died. But even his supreme loyalty and dedication to his family cannot make him as good a count as I would be. For him it would only be duty, but for me it is my dearest wish.  
  
I was thinking these thoughts while brushing my long brown hair in front of my mirror when my father slowly made his way up the stairs and knocked on the door.  
  
"Come in."  
  
I expected it to be Alba, so I was surprised to see my frail father at at the door. "Father, are you all right?" I asked as I ran to help him into the room.  
  
Leaning on my arm, he slowly made his way to my bed and sat down on the edge of it while motioning for me to do the same.  
  
"I wanted to talk to you about your future," he said, pausing as though he wanted to choose his words carefully.  
  
"You probably think that I have not noticed much these past years, and you would be correct. I have lived in my grief for your mother...I missed parts of your life, and I regret that now. I look and see that Albannon is a man, Nikolai is going off to Winding Circle, and you are a woman. And I know...I know that all of you are unhappy with your lots. I know that. But I don't know what to do except..." He took a deep breath. "You know that I cannot make you my heir...the other counts would never accept that...but I will promise you that you will never need to marry unless you want to. You can remain here and rule with your brother...he will need your wisdom..."  
  
I was touched by my father's words. He had given me my dearest wish--I could remain in Yorvan. I would never have to leave my home. But more importantly, my father had not been blind to me all of these years. He had noticed me. He did love me.  
  
I wrapped my arms around his thin body. "I love you, Father. Thank you."  
  
"I love you too, Madi," he whispered.  
  
I pulled away. He looked so tired. "Come, Father. You should rest."  
  
"Yes, now it's time to rest," he mumbled.  
  
I slowly led him out of my room and into his own. He looked so thin and old, but strangely calm. His eyes were not haunted and weary, but simply tired, as though he needed to rest.  
  
"Yes, it's time to rest now," he whispered again as he lay down.  
  
His words sent a chill down my spine. "I'll be back Father," I promised as I backed out of the room. Then I ran for my brothers. I wasn't sure how, but somehow I could tell that our father was dying. 


	5. With You Forever

DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to Tamora Pierce and are used here without permission for no personal gain.  
  
Author's Note: This is the final chapter of The Road Not Taken and wraps up the series from Isas/Crane's point of view. I hope you enjoyed this series. Please, please, please r/r!  
  
Part 5: With You Forever  
  
At last, at last the end is near. I can see my children standing by my bedside. They look so sad to see me go. Why? Don't they know that I have been dead inside for so long. Only they kept me going for all of these years, but now they are adults. For years I provided for them, gave them food, clothes, governesses, servants, and a home. Now I have given them my last gifts, and I can finally rest.  
  
To Albannon I gave my trust. He is now the head of the house, and it is his responsibility to rule. He has tried to take on this burden for years, but now he is finally old enough to carry it.  
  
To Nikolai I gave my dreams. He will become the mage that I wanted to be. He will live the life that you and I could have had. He will leave this cold land for the warmer one that he yearns for.  
  
To Madigan I gave my home. She is the only one who truly loves Yorvan, and my promise to her means that she will never have to leave. She can never be the count, but she can be the power behind the throne, helping her brother, adding his strength to hers.  
  
And now I can finally rest and see you. Oh Niva! I can see you calling to me, and I know that my time is near. Our children cry, but I have been wishing for this day for ten long years. I have loved you since the moment I met you. When you died, I felt like a part of me died too. I felt empty inside without you. I had to keep going, keep living even though all I wanted to do was to curl next to you in your grave. Now I can finally be with you forever.  
  
You stretch out your arms to me. I can almost feel your hands in mine. I hear our children, but they seem to be so far away. All I can see is your smiling face. You look like you did when I first saw you, a carefree, happy, beautiful girl. You call to me, and finally I answer. Finally, after all of these years of waiting, I can be with you. Finally I can see you again and tell you how much I love you. I have waited for this day, yearned for this day, prayed for this day. I feel no pain, only joy so pure that it hurts.  
  
For now, finally I can be with you forever. 


End file.
